Ask Gearographer: I want a boat but the wife says, “No.”
Dear Gearographer,
I really, really want a boat. My wife says she will divorce me if I get one, but I still want it. I don’t know why she’s so set against it but was wondering if you knew how I could change her mind.
– Wanting in Washington
Dear Wanting,
Just the fact that she is threatening divorce, yet you still want a boat tells us you should be writing one of those other advice columns that always suggests therapy. We here at Gearographer don’t necessarily want a boat; we just want a neighbor with one. Another cliché we should point you toward is that the two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day he buys the boat and the day he sells it. Might we suggest something we learned in Mexico: buy a life jacket, turn it upside down and place your legs through the armholes so you’re wearing it like a diaper. Now you can float with your waist and above out of the water and your hands free to hold beer which is about what you would do in a boat anyway.
Sincerely,
Gearographer
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