His and Hers Camping: Why I’ll Never Camp With Just the Guys Again

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She builds a fire better than Gene, cooks better than Dan, and is way more fun to cuddle with to keep warm than Steve, yet you still wonder why I prefer to camp with her?

The Old Days, The Old Ways
With the guys, camping meant sleeping on the ground, eating crappy food, and drinking beer. Now camping has changed considerably, except for the drinking beer part. There was a lot more, shall we say “Gassy” exchanges then, and the jokes were lewd, crude, rude and usually followed by “Dude.”

The Old Sleeping Gear
I used to use an old Army Surplus sleeping bag and we slept in either a pup tent built a lean-to or slept under the stars. Subsequently I barely slept and froze my, you-know-what off. I probably would have frozen to death if my blood hadn’t had such high concentrations of alcohol.

New Sleeping Gear
My, how times have changed. Thanks to her, I have a queen-sized air mattress sitting in a brand new 11’x11’ dome tent with screened windows and an air vent at the top. I have an LED overhead light and pouches to store my flashlight and toilet paper for late night or early morning bathroom trips. I did use an old blow-up pool float for an air mattress once, but now I have a battery powered air pump to blow that queen-sized puppy up, and the sleeping bags are new, extra-large, and come with zippers that actually work.

The Old Cooking Gear
Hopefully someone would bring an old thrift-store pan and maybe a pot.

The New Cooking Gear
We have a complete set of camp dishes with plates, bowls, and cups. We have silverware that may be thrift-store bought but include knives, forks, and spoons. We have pots and pans and even a coffee pot. She packs a spatula, a big fork and tongs; we even have an oven mitt instead of an old dirty sock for grabbing those hot pots and pans. We have a camp stove for quick coffee in the morning though we still cook dinner on the fire. We do bring Girl Scout Juice, also known as lighter fluid, because I no longer have to prove my manhood by starting a fire without it.

Cheers Then
For drinks, the guys used to bring a case or 4 of beer.

Cheers Now
We drink wine. Okay, she does but I do get limes to put in my Corona. We also have orange juice, milk, iced tea and cocktails. We also bring lots of water though most of that is for washing our hands: something the guys would never do.

Activities Then
The fellas used to fish and maybe hike during the day and pretty much sit around the fire and tell lies at night.

Activities Now
We do the same things except at night, I no longer can get away with the lies and we retire earlier so we can, well that’s none of your business.

Hygiene Then

Hygiene Now
We bring soap and a towel for washing up and I use deodorant every morning. I don’t shave (this is camping) but I wash my face every morning and change my underwear whether I need to or not. We may both smell a bit like campfire smoke but if she’s going to be so clean and springy smelling, I better try to keep up with the hygiene myself or those nighttime activities aren’t going to happen.

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Michael Ryan

Michael is a full-time musician and freelance writer residing in Morrison, Colorado. He enjoys downhill skiing, traveling and attempting to play golf. He excels in the sport of extreme napping so if you must call, make it after noon.

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