How to Keep Yourself Occupied on Your Flight



You can only sleep so much, work so much and stare out the window at the clouds for so long before boredom kicks in on your flight. You have to be careful what you do for fun on flights these days; they don’t seem to have a sense of humor anymore.

What Do You Mean, No Sky Mall?
Come on admit it, you’ve skimmed through their pages haven’t you? Long before the internet, Sky Mall was the only place I knew where I could get a Darth Vader toaster, a fish hotel fishbowl or a camera lens/ coffee mug. Not that I ever actually bought anything from them, and obviously not enough people did or they wouldn’t be filing for bankruptcy. It gave you something to do though, especially if you forgot your book or newspaper. Now we’re stuck with just the In-Flight Airline Magazine.

The Name Game
They prefer “Flight Attendant” but you never know so, sometimes it’s fun to try and figure it out on your own. They don’t care for “Stewardess,” or “Steward” anymore but some can live with “Cabin Attendant” or “Flight Crew.” The fun comes when you make up your own names like “Galley Hag” or “Space Waitress.” Okay, you may be the only one having fun and you’re definitely not getting any more pretzels but let’s face it, you probably weren’t getting more than one little, tiny bag anyway.

The Bathroom Line Game

The stewardesses, oops, Flight Attendants get all upset if you just want to stretch your legs. They don’t let you just hang out in the galley anymore. They say it’s for our “Safety” but I think it’s a union rule they don’t have to socialize with the unwashed masses. I go to the bathroom, or at least pretend to stand in line just to stretch my legs. I’ve been yelled at from the back of the plane, when my wife and I were both in line for the restroom at, heaven forbid, the same time. I really felt thoroughly admonished when she used the intercom to yell at me. Now I don’t feel any flight is complete unless I get admonished at least once for something over the intercom.

Play Musical Seats, it Drives Them Nuts
I recently was on a flight on an airline whose name rhymes with… oh heck, they make me use my real name so I’ll give you theirs: Frontier. I noticed, after getting up to go to the bathroom that the two rows behind us on each side of the plane were empty. That’s twelve empty seats. Well, foolish me, I figured I could stretch out and enjoy this empty space. Unfortunately, the stewardess, oops I mean Flight Attendant was right on top of things. Instantly, or two hours later depending on whose story you believe she noticed something amiss and booted me. It seems these seats cost $50 extra and even though they were empty and we were halfway through the flight, I had to move. My new game is to see how long it takes the Galley Hag to notice I’m sitting in an upgraded seat for free.

The Quiet Game

This is my best idea so far. Let’s all play, “Who can keep their kids the quietest.” We used to always have a problem with the whining and crying and carrying on but The Wife has gotten good at keeping me in line now, so it can be done. I don’t mean to intrude on your parenting chops but I would think meds should be allowed in this game; heck half of us are self -medicating as it is.

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Michael Ryan

Michael is a full-time musician and freelance writer residing in Morrison, Colorado. He enjoys downhill skiing, traveling and attempting to play golf. He excels in the sport of extreme napping so if you must call, make it after noon.

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